Traditional on the Burns Night program is the ”Toast to the Lassies” and the “Lassies’ Response.” A lad is asked to deliver a toast expressing his sentiments about the eternal, mysterious Woman, a topic upon which Burns often mused.
A lass is asked to consider this male-centric view of love, the universe, and everything, and to respond on behalf of what used to be called the “gentler sex.”
Brandon and Anna, among the youngest performers in the band (both drummers), delivered these toasts for our Burns Supper 2008. Their remarks deserve to be preserved forever in the annals of the Fairbanks Red Hackle Pipe Band’s Burns Suppers.
Thanks Heidi for rescuing Brandon’s and Anna’s notes for posterity.
Brandon’s “Toast to the Lassies”
For public speaking I tend to be shy,
But I thought I should give this a try.
After all who is better,
At getting under a sweater,
Than a charming young man such as I?
See, men and women are quite diverse.
We’re lazy, we drink and we curse.
I mean, you’re so complex,
And we just want sex,
It’s a wonder we can ever converse!
Please understand our frustration,
When you try on some ugly creation,
You’ll ask us, “Sooo, what do ya think?”
And we’ll give you a wink,
But that’s only to avoid. . .castration.
Lassies, I tell you this true,
Though you nag till your faces are blue,
On behalf of the fellas tonight,
We think you’re alright.
This special toast is to you.
Here’s to the Lassies!
“Lassies’ Response” from Anna
To follow such a long-winded speech,
I will tell you about this life-sucking leech.
He calls himself a charming young man,
But does he think he can do what I can?
I cook, I clean, I do everything
And what does this mean? Not a thing!
I have to force him to leave the den
Only to find him staring at all the other women.
This is to all the men here:
Put down the beer,
Go out and get a career.
But to end on a good note,
Thanks for listening to what I wrote.
We lassies could not bare
If you gentlemen were not there.
So here is to all the laddies!
Cheers!
—posted by dennis
